Do I dare to hope,
Just to hurt in the end?
Do I dare to believe,
When I know I’m wrong?
Do I dare to love,
When I know you can’t love me?
Do I dare risk our friendship,
When I know that I need it so badly?
Do I dare to let you go,
When I know I can’t?
Do I dare to hope,
Just to hurt in the end?
I had it all.
I was so happy.
It was just what I wanted.
So why did I give it up?
Did I give it up to be alone again?
Could it be that I wasn’t as happy as I thought?
And if I’m happier now, why don’t I feel so?
If I’m happier now, why do I cry myself to sleep?
Though, I would never take back giving him up,
I would take back not being alone and happy.
So I pray to you dear God, keep me close so I may not be truly alone.
Mind running rapid.
Heart stops still.
Mouth shut tight.
Hands trembling.
Eyes held by yours.
The touch on the cheek.
The warmth of your hand.
The sound of your breathing.
All stops.
Eyes close.
Nothing.
Eyes open.
Nothing.
So many things have changed.
We had so many things in common.
We talked so much.
We told each other so many things.
But what happened?
We no longer have anything in common.
We never talk.
I’d go as far as to say:
“You ignore me.”
We never tell each other anything.
I bet you don’t know that;
I even write poetry.
Who of my siblings I’m closest to.
What I’m going to study in college.
Who the last guy I liked was.
You don’t know anything about me.
And same goes for me about you.
But here is where we part.
I tried to be friends again.
I forgave you of the things you did that hurt me and those close to me.
I tried to heal what was broken between us.
But you never said anything.
You never cared to call me back.
You didn’t care to see me.
You abandoned me.
Yet…
Yet I still am here always ready to be your friend again.
Don’t ask me, “Why,” after everything that has happened.
Because I can’t explain it.
Maybe it’s because you’re my sister-in-Christ.
Or maybe it’s that I remember the good times we had.
But, I believe that it’s that, after everything we have been through,
I still see you as a friend dear to my heart.
Even though it’s crowded, and everybody is around us,
I can still see your face.
Even when I’m asleep you are there,
You seem to haunt me everywhere.
I smile when your around like nothing is wrong.
But inside, I’m crying to move along.
Why do I see you even when your not there?
And get sad and frustrated when you are here?
Your smile, I just can’t get away from it.
It’s so kind and caring.
Yet at the same time it’s sad and crying.
What is it that draws me back time after time?
Is it your wonderful smile?
That you’re always there when people need you the most?
Whatever it is, keep it up.
Even though I can’t stop thinking about you, even though I want to.
If I have to think about anybody, I’m glad it’s you.
Do you ever watch a large body of water as it flows?
Or watch the rustling trees in the wind?
How about starring at the millions of stars in the sky?
Have you ever seen the sun going up?
Have you ever seen the sun going down?
This question might be out of the blue.
But have you ever questioned if their is a God?
If you have seen any of these things,
I don’t see how you could.
Oh, a husband!
What a joy!
What a pain.
Both come with him,
So get over it.
Now even though I don’t have one.
That doesn’t mean I haven’t loved,
Nor been loved.
I will say, to be in love is a wonderful thing.
But, to love, that is the most wonderful feeling I could have ever felt.
Even though I’m not in love right now.
And though I’m happy to be single.
I will never forget the love I felt and was given.
And one day I hope my future husband will love me as much as I will love him.
It’s cold out here and I’m all alone.
My heart is growing cold.
Even though it’s almost ice,
I can feel a little beating.
Nothing can defrost this heart.
So I thought.
The snow is coming down harder.
It’s getting hard to walk.
And still I’m alone.
The trees are covered in snow and ice.
There are no cars on the road.
My back is getting heavy.
I don’t think I can hold on.
Though I didn’t feel it at first.
I suddenly got warm little by little.
I couldn’t tell you at that moment why.
I looked up to see a man beside me.
He smiled and put his arms around me.
I felt the coat on my back.
I felt warmth in my heart as it thawed.
I don’t understand.
Why a stranger could do something for me that I never could do for myself.
“I like you.” I told you once.
Do you remember?
You hugged me so tight once.
Do you remember?
You wanted to talk to me instead of them once.
Do you remember?
You were shocked by my hug once.
Do you remember?
I told you something I wouldn’t tell anybody else once.
Do you remember?
You wanted me to come once.
Do you remember?
You were worried about me once.
Do you remember?
I do, but do you?
There is something about your eyes.
Something in them, that I can’t look away from.
There is something in your smile that I love to see.
I wish you would smile for me.
I wish you would look at me.
But your eyes go to another.
But your smile is for another.
I want to see you smile.
I want to see your eyes light up.
But I can’t.
So I’ll pray for it.
But while I’m here I can’t.
Because I feel hurt when I look at your smile and remember that it will never be for me.
He says it as a friend, and I’ve tried it that way.
But do I love him in another way?
Do I see him like a friend who will always be there?
Or do I love him with a love I have to bare.
Am I alone in this feeling that won’t go away?
Or am I missing something he has been trying to say?
Is there a future together that just hasn’t come into view?
Or are we just friends and I have to live without you?
There is this girl that I’m in 3 classes with,
History, P.E, and Lit.
I can’t help but to loath History,
And how she loves it that’s a mystery.
It could be our teacher, Mr. Carthing,
But I don’t think he is so good looking.
I love P.E. because of soccer.
But coach has trouble getting her out of the locker.
If you saw her try to kick that ball,
You would understand why she didn’t want to come out at all.
American lit. what can I say?
Well, it was good today.
Today Mrs. Smith asked the girl to read the chapter,
And I couldn’t help but to sit and admire her.
But all that doesn’t compare,
To the sound of her singing in the air.
Not only can she sing with a voice of an angel,
But can play the piano as well as Pachelbel.
The world seems meaningless.
There is no light.
There is no Joy.
Wait, there, is that a light?
That noise is someone talking to me?
“I’m the light in the darkness.
I’m the joy during the pain.
I am the one who hears,
When you think no one can.”
I find myself asking who is this?
I want to know.
No more being alone?
Light will return?
There will be joy even with the pain?
Please tell me how I can get this.
“Come, walk and talk with Me.”
So my journey begins.
No one is around
Just me and the trees
I, reading my book
While the trees shed their leaves.
The wind now blowing
And I now asleep
Oh, how I wish,
The autumn would keep.
The face that you see is just a mask of sincerity.
Oh, how can I show you the real me.
Maybe if I could, no, how can I tell you?
For you to see me how I really am you would hate me.
My mind is like a deep tunnel, dark and violent.
Scary you might say, it had no windows, no way in or out.
This is the place where I go when I am alone.
Love, hate, sorrow, all emotions are like died plants.
In my mind there is a flame, a flame always burning.
This flame is the only light, yet I know that this mask, somehow I know some of it is true, But can you love someone who puts on a mask to hide her real face.
Yet, even if you can, I don’t deserve someone who treats me like I always wanted to be treated.
Like I was a real person, not like I come and go when you have something to say.
When you talk to me I feel like I am talking to someone who cares whether I’m there or not.
For that I thank you.
When you are around:
I can’t help but smile.
When you are around:
My mind doesn’t work right.
When you are around:
I want to look my best.
When you are around:
I can’t stop thinking about you.
But what about when you aren’t around?
When you aren’t around:
My smile disappears.
When you aren’t around:
My mind works too well.
When you aren’t around:
I don’t really care what I look like.
When you aren’t around:
I still can’t stop think about you.
I can write the words,
Highlight the parts,
Underline what’s important.
I can think things through,
Dispose of what’s wrong,
Even get rid of the things I don’t like.
I thought about telling you:
‘How handsome you are.’
‘Why I like your smile.’
‘How fast my heart beats when you’re around.’
‘How you can always make me laugh.’
‘Why I want to be with you.’
I can say anything I want.
Until I actually say something.
“I love you.”
Did that come out right?
Why must you creep into my heart again?
I’ve been there before.
It didn’t end well.
I know you don’t care for me.
So why should I care about you?
I’ve been there before.
I don’t want to go back.
I’ve been lost in your eyes before.
There isn’t anything in them for me.
I’ve been there before.
I’ve been hurt before.
Why must you creep into my heart again?
“Sleep in Autumn” is beautiful, sis; it even feels like autumn.
Thank you Jon!